Peter buys a pet parrot and begins to believe he is a pirate. Not surprisingly, it all goes to his head as he literally becomes the scourge of the neighborhood until he accidentally kills his beloved bird.

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Brian meets up with an old girlfriend, discovering that he is the illegitimate father of her unruly son. The child is dropped off at the Griffin’s house so Brian can raise him; there the boy quickly gets out of hand, and Brian’s self-centered approach to parenting doesn’t settle too well with Peter and Lois…

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Lois is growing increasingly frustrated with Peter, who has been much more focused on spending time with his friends than with her. Brian, who had just won a vacation to Marthas Vineyard to receive a writing award, decides to take the two with him to help them sort things out between themselves.

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After attending a concert featuring Barry Manilow, Peter realizes that he has accidentally dropped his wallet there. However, he soon discovers that someone has found it, but is currently using his credit card to buy expensive things. After recieving a bank letter, Peter and Brian track down the culprit to a Chinese restaurant and discover him to be none other than James Woods, whom Peter had previously locked away in a Government Warehouse.

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Peter decides to grow a mustache, but then he’s mistaken for a fireman (because they all have mustaches), so he lends a hand when a fire breaks out at a local fast food restaurant. The owner gives him unlimited burgers as a “thank you” but he eats so many that he eventually has a stroke.

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Meg finds herself interested in a cute med student who treats her at the hospital and soon hits it off with him. However, an overprotective Peter is determined to drive the student away. Meanwhile, Brian and Stewie buy and renovate a dilapidated house.

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Peter starts an anti-immigration group, but immediately changes his views after discovering he was born in Mexico. Unable to prove his American citizenship, he is labeled as an illegal immigrant and forced to work as a laborer.

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Returning from her presumed death, Lois reveals her attempted killer to be Stewie. Stewie then takes his family hostage, slowly gaining more power until the world itself is at its knees. Desperate to put an end to Stewie’s reign of terror, Lois realizes what she must do…

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Lois and Peter sail off on a cruise. Jealous that he was left behind, Stewie’s matricidal tendencies are rekindled. When Brian challenges him to actually do it, Stewie carries out his diabolical plan.

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When Bonnie tells Joe that she is tired of being married to a handicapped person, Joe gets a leg transplant. Excited about his new ability to walk, Joe engages in extreme sport, and soon ditches his current friends, for more active ones. Peter and the guys are upset at how Joe is acting and decide to teach him a lesson.

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